


The Trials of The Heart

by caffeinated_angry_emotional



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: AU, M/M, i am trash at tagging sorry, this is a lil angsty but not like crazy sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-20 00:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3630621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinated_angry_emotional/pseuds/caffeinated_angry_emotional
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was some nights later that you first saw the Lord of Imladris. </p>
<p>He had only just finished his council with the party from Lothlorien and was still clothed in his more formal dress. He sat on a wooden bench and looked more royal than kings on their thrones, but on his face was a gentle smile, and in his eyes was a calm wisdom. Unable to look away, your eyes soon found his. But you could not hold them long, so you looked down, and smiled in return.</p>
<p>It was only after the moment had passed that you noticed the racing of your heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Trials of The Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thanks for trying to read this, it means a lot. And what also means a lot is criticism. God knows it's hard to edit my own writing, and I'd really appreciate it if you gave feedback and pointed out any mistakes I've made. The story is a bit short and too much packed into too little but honestly details bore the heck out of me. Anyway, have a good day and I hope you enjoy.

The beginning of it all was a warm autumn day, leaves falling from branches and spiralling onto the moist earth. You were staying in Imladris to teach close-range combat to the twin sons of Elrond, and it was only the first night of your arrival thence. The realm was beautiful, whispering rivers and joyous waterfalls weaving music of such intricacy as you have never heard.  
You were greeted by the twins and a small party. Dismounting your horse, you approached the twins with a warm smile, gasping each arm in turn in a warrior’s greeting.  
Soon engrossed in a conversation with the two, your luggage entrusted to house-elves, you were shown to your chambers. To say that they were splendid was to say nothing at all, for a bed and a bath after a long journey in the wild were almost enough to bring tears of joy to your eyes. Thanking the hosts, you asked for leave and were soon left to your own devices.

 

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It was a few nights later that you first saw the Lord of Imladris.  
He had only just finished his council with the party from Lothlorien and was still clothed in his more formal dress. He sat at his assigned chair at the table and looked more royal than kings on their thrones, but on his face was a gentle smile, and in his eyes was a calm wisdom. Unable to look away, your eyes soon found his. But you could not hold them long, so you looked down, and smiled in return.  
It was only after the moment had passed that you noticed the racing of your heart.

 

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From that evening forth you saw the elf Lord regularly. Sometimes you came across him in the gardens and you spoke together of any and all things that came to mind. Other times you saw him in his library and he let you borrow volumes you always returned impeccably preserved. He had taken up watching you teach the twins, his eyes searing your back as you once again knocked one of his sons into the dust. It was all very puzzling, for you could not rid yourself of thoughts of him throughout the day. Your confusion soon settled into longing, and you knew that you were falling in love. And no matter how many times you reproached yourself for such folly, you could not turn your feelings into a void no matter how you tried.

 

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In a similar manner you spent the next two months in Imladris, watching the autumn pass by, and your feelings did not subdue.  
And on one of your solitary walks you stumbled upon the object of your affections himself, sitting on the ground surrounded by trees.  
Approaching cautiously, you stopped a single footstep away.  
“Lord Elrond?” You asked quietly, for he seemed to be in great distress and you did not wish to spook him like a wild beast in pain.  
His back stiffening for a moment, he recognised your voice and relaxed once more.  
“Prince Legolas, what brings you here?” He asked, and you wondered how someone who is sitting on the ground can have so much authority.  
“I am merely checking that all is well and hoping for a conversation, but if you are not of like mind I shall leave you to it.” And ready at any moment to turn and walk away you are surprised when he answers.  
“Of course, your company is always a pleasure.” And before he can stand and offer you a walk to bench or a hall, you gracefully lower yourself on the grassy earth. He looks at you, somewhat bewildered, and continues his gazing into space.  
“What is troubling you, my Lord?” You ask.  
“It is nothing.” He says, but you look at him expectantly and he continues. “It is the death of my daughter, or rather the inevitability of it.” And he tells you of his brother, and of the choice his offspring too must face. He tells you of the ranger who will take away his child but save Middle Earth and he tells you that there is no way in which he can prevent it.  
With every word from his mouth your heart jolts painfully in your chest, and you long to comfort him, and in your grief for him you forget all about the barrier which must not be breached, and you reach out and cover his hand by yours, murmuring your condolences.  
You realise your downfall too late. Freezing, you look up at your beloved, and in his eyes you see the hesitation and the regret and amidst it all the unmistakable rejection. Pulling back your hand you get up and throwing apologies his way you walk quickly towards you rooms.  
Closing the door behind you, your body dropping to the floor, you feel a tearing pain in your lungs. Like your ribcage getting tighter and tighter. You sit there until the stars fade away and the dawn paints the sky red. Then, you get up, get dressed, and pretend that your hands don’t itch for his skin and your mind doesn’t cry out in anguish. You dig a deep hole in your mind and you bury every bit of your love as deep as you can, but you know that nothing will grow on the grave ever again. It will forever remain a desolation of hidden pain. And you continue just as everything was. Sparring with the twins and walking alone and often. In your spare time exploring the valley and mapping the region as well as you can in your mind. The only thing you don’t do anymore is see Elrond. Though, he doesn’t seem to mind.  
And if someone notices that you no longer sing after the evening meal and that you don’t walk your favourite paths in the gardens, and smile less than ever before, well, they are none the wiser. But it haunts you, the small thing. The slip up that caused all this. If only you had been smarter, if only you had not forgotten your place, maybe you would have still had his friendship, at least. 

 

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Soon, you the twins stop getting in the dust at all, and one day Elrohir employs a trick you taught him a few weeks ago, and you feel the cold kiss of the dust yourself. And as he lay atop you, breathing heavily but grinning nonetheless, you smile at him too, but in your ears a sweet voice whispers. “They’ve got no use for you anymore.”  
That night the twins get roaring drunk. They’re happy, and proud of themselves like all students are, and you quietly down two bottles of strong wine to block out the noise of protest at the thought of leaving in your heart.  
And because you haven’t eaten, and because you’re tired, the wine hits you like a hammer. Deciding you’ve had enough, you stand and bidding the twins goodnight retire to your chamber.  
You stand on the balcony and look out into the valley, and you think “I have had enough.” And that thought gives you as much determination as alcohol could not.  
You stumble to Elrond’s library, knowing that he will be there, buried in his books.  
You are not disappointed. And if he seems not too pleased to see you drunk in his rooms, he doesn’t say anything. You flop into a chair in front of his desk, and your eyes burrow into his, and you think “I love you.” But out loud you say  
“I’m leaving tomorrow.” And he looks at you, long and hard, and sees the weight behind the words. He does nothing. His grey eyes looked helplessly at you, like something he needs to let go but cannot. Under his gaze, the feelings you had buried so long erupt, poisoning your mind with desire and longing and so much love you can barely stop yourself from screaming.  
So you stand up, and you slowly walk around the writing table, and you get on your knees before his chair. His eyes hold yours, and you slide your hands up his thighs, the itch in your skin subduing so much you swallow a sob of relief. But he looks uncertain, afraid, like he might dive too deep and never resurface.  
“Please, Elrond, if you do not want this tell me now, tell me so that I can go, and move on and take a wife and father children. Tell me before I awake tomorrow, and realise that you are gone, and that this meant nothing. Tell me that it is only I who feels this and I promise, I will not hold it against you.” But his eyelids drop, and with shaky hands he reaches out and caresses your face, and you are so truly happy that for a moment it transverses all time. Leaning up, you seal your mouths in a kiss so fragile, yet so passionate, that you forget how to breathe.  
That night, as you kiss each other and leave marks scattered over each other’s bodies, you thank the Valar for allowing you to have him.

 

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It is early morning when you awake, the sun had not yet risen, leaving the room in silence uninterrupted. You ache all over, but some sacrifices are worth making. You lay entangled in the sheets, and gaze at Elrond’s peaceful face. The lines of worry on his brow have faded just a little, you think, and as your gaze travels down his body you see the bruises and marks littered down his neck and torso. You watch him for a long time, and when you see the sun rise once again, you realise that all of it was worth it, worth this. You go back to sleep smiling like a fool.


End file.
